Beach Combing
by Avenging Neko
Summary: Join SurferCard and his Police Babe on their adventures to ride the most mondo waves and avoid wipeouts. Total crackseries, based on Jubalii's Lost in the Dream.
1. Chapter 1

_**Beach Combing**_

**_Ketti: Hey, guys, I have a very serious question for you;_ **would you rather wait for my lazy arse to **finish **the stories before I post them, or would you rather read whatever my muse lets me write, and wait (forever) for updates on the stories I didn't finish yet?  
Your vote would be greatly appreciated in reviews! Also, SurferCard is a(n abomination) thing that Jubalii and I made up, and is very fun to write. Don't take anything you read in this story seriously. XD

_(*_*) ^(*_*)^ (*_*)_

"Police Babe, stop dawdling." The masculine voice cut through the flimsy tent material that served as a beachside dressing room, and the blonde squeaked in denial. "No!"

There was a pause, the silence filled by the soothing whisper of the waves crashing against the shore, and then the flap was thrown open to reveal a six foot something behemoth of a man with corpse pale skin, tangled, wind blown hair down to his elbows, wearing crimson swimming trunks with pale red flowers printed up the sides. He topped his head down, peering over the rims of his orange sunglasses at her, and whistled lowly. "Po-lice Babe."

Her cheeks flushed in mortification as she grabbed the fluffy oversized towel and wrapped it around herself, "I'm not wearing this… thing!"

He chuckled lowly and stepped into the tent, filling the small room entirely with himself, so much so that she had to fight the urge to fling her arms out in an attempt to give herself some space. He reached out and crooked a finger into the edge of her towel and she squeaked, slapping at his hand as he peered under the light blue cloth. "You look totally righteous in that, Police Babe." His words oozed like honey into her ears and she slapped her hands to her face to hide her blush, realizing her mistake too late as he yanked the towel free to reveal her blood red skimpy bikini.

"It's as thin as dental floss!" She moaned, "A strong breeze and it'll just disintegrate!"

He leered at her suggestively, as if to say _that's the point_ and she slapped his arm, scowling. "I'm not wearing it!"

"Would you prefer to go naked, Police Babe? I could dig it."

The petite blonde – with the rather _generous_ chest – actually looked terrified for a moment. "You wouldn't…"

He cocked his head to the side, sizing her up, one brow arching up into his hairline. Clicking his tongue at her, he grinned wolfishly, arms spreading wide to touch either side of the striped cloth surrounding them. His stance said it all; _are you sure about that?_

She bared her sharp teeth in a snarl and snatched the terrycloth from his hand as she ducked under his arm and stormed her way out onto the cool beach sand. Moonlight bathed her in a silver glow as she stormed angrily down the empty beach to the edge of the wet sand. Eyeing the waves, she backtracked about five feet and threw her towel down onto the soft dry sand before returning to the edge and crouching down to inspect the shell fragments she saw buried in the mud.

A chill worked its way down her spine and her skin crawled as she felt eyes leering at her, red eyes she was sure. Resisting the urge to start digging a hole to bury herself in, the fledgling continued her shell hunt until she had a palmful of pretty shards, though they were gritty with sand. She stood and walked into the waves up to her ankles, lowering her catch into the water to wash the grains away so that she could admire her collection properly. She nearly shrieked and dropped them in surprise when she saw crimson eyes reflected in the shining surface of the largest shard. Whirling on her heel in a spray of water, she came nose to chest with the elder vampire. He loomed over her and grinned, sunglasses perched atop his head and pushing the hair back from his face. "Police Babe," he purred, eyes gleaming, "you remind me of a mermaid I met once. She was totally radical, knew the most mondo waves to catch. She liked shells too." His grin became a leer, and Seras took a step back, feeling uncomfortable in such close proximity to the board head. "Really Ma-" "Card," he interrupted, sounding almost disgruntled, "I told you to call me Card. The most radical surfer on the beach, brah."

Seras grimaced, "I _told_ you, my name is Seras! Not _brah_ or Police Babe. Ser-as." She stamped her foot, and a spray of water shot up, water droplets sticking to his bare stomach.

"And I told you," he purred, leaning in, practically caging her with his body, "You're a smoking hot Police Babe. Police Babe will do."

She scowled and jumped back, nearly falling as a wave pushed her towards Card, and glared at the male, blue eyes narrowed to slits. "And that mermaid you met, was she 'smoking hot' too?"

"Jealous, Police Babe?" He smirked at her and turned back to the beach where his large black and red surfboard stood upright in the sand.

She growled under her breath and kicked water at him as she turned and continued to examine the shoreline for more shells. The only warning she had was the hiss as the board slid through the water, and she jumped back, only to yelp in surprise as strong arms caught her around the waist and turned her to face the waves, flailing feet held iin mid air. He chuckled breathily in her ear and she shivered, fingers clenching into fists and threatening to powderise her small collection. "Police Babe," he purred, "want to ride tandem with me? A tuitally bodacious babe like yourself can't help but draw the most tubular waves, brah."

Seras felt ridiculous, dangling in mid air like that, and she wiggled her toes, "Put me down?" She meant it as an order, but it came out more like a question, and she cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Her toes touched the slick surface of the surfboard, but his hands stayed firmly clamped around her waist, and she squirmed. How were they still moving forward?

His words floated to the front of her mind; _The moon controls the waves, and I control the moon, Police Babe. This I am the most powerful surfer on the beach. No one can measure to this ultimate awesomeness._

She remembered him thumping his bare chest, and she felt the heat in her cheeks intensify. Looking down at her feet, she admired the red and black board, the pattern was somehow beautiful and vicious all at the same time, the red lines traced the shape of a snarling jackal's head, and she knew from previous experience with it that the lines behind Card's feet resembled blood spatters. The Jackal, he was still practicing with the larger board to get as good with it as he was with the Cassul – a silver and black board, with the sentciled shape of some bird of prey she thought might be an eagle.

There was a moment of silence, for which Seras was grateful, and she scooted forward cautiously until her toes curled around the front curve of the board, Card's warm palms pressed against her sides. The water was so clear! She admired the dark shapes flitting around beneath their feet, only to jump in surprise as one shape shot straight towards them, getting bigger and bigger, a dorsal fin breaking the water.

Was that a… Shark! She squealed and scrambled backwards, clambering up his back and locking her legs around his waist, "SHARKSHARKSHARKTHERESASHARKOGOD"

The fin began to circle them and she whimpered, burying her face in the crook of Card's neck. Hr just laughed, "Naw, brah, that ain't no shark. It's a dolphin."

"A d-dolphin?" Seras muttered, peeking her head up to observe the intimidating shadow in the water. Just then a wave surged under their feet and drew them backwards towards the shore, and Seras watched, amazed as a silver-blonde dolphin leaped out of the water to click at them threateningly, tiny sharp teeth gleaming in the moonlight.

"It's chasing us," Seras observed.

"She," Card corrected mildly, sounding amused, "she's always trying to chill my groove, Police Babe. A total bummer."

Seras realized she was still attached to his back like a monkey and flushed, shifting her weight to get down only to feel his hands scoop her thighs back up as the board rocked beneath them on the lip of the wave. "M-…Card," Seras mumbled into his shoulder, embarrassed, "I can stand."

The wave died down beneath them and the ocean turned calm as glass, the dolphin poked her head out of the water less than a foot away from them and opened her mouth. "Get that poor young woman off your back! I don't need another _accident _to occur! Don't forget last time!"

Seras stared, gape mouthed, "Did that dolphin just spe-… last time?!" She squirmed, trying to get free, and he grunted, setting her down, "Chill, brah, chill. Don't rock the boat."

She glared at him, then stared at the _talking dolphin_, some part of her mind screaming that it sounded suspiciously like Sir Integra.

"Don't mind her, Police Babe, she's just being catty." He chuckled, "Get it? It's funny. Because I'm calling her a catfish." Seras stared at him blankly while the Teggie dolphin slapped the water with her tail, "I'm not a fish!"

"it could be worse, brah, I could have called you a bitch."

The dolphin ducked into the water and Seras blinked, only to shriek as she felt hands on her back, pushing her down so hard she nearly cracked her chin on the board. Just as she was about to yell at him, she saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye, and she felt water splash her. Card laughed, "Missed me, missed me, now you got to kiss me." He smacked his bum at the water, which Seras saw as she peered over her shoulder, and she felt her mouth drop open at his gall. Really? _Really?_

Her nose itched, and she sneezed, shaking her head violently afterwards before growling and pushing at her damp locks in frustration, "Great, now my hair's wet," she grumbled, tucking the longer strands behind her ears, only to have them flop back in her face and tickle her nose.

The dolphin poked her head up right next to Seras, and she stared into that blue eye with a bit of awe, "Would you like the rest of you wet?" Teggie asked, dolphin grin mischievous, and Seras squeaked as she backed up, "No! No thank you!"

"Suit yourself," Teggie clicked, bobbing her head and lightly splashing her flipper at Seras teasingly, getting the blonde's arms wet.

She felt a bare foot nudge her spine, and stiffened in outrage, "Police Babe," he purred, "as much as I dig the sight of you splayed out on my board like this, you're really bumming my balance. Get your bodacious bod up and hang ten with me." He said it so casually, but it thrummed in her bones like an order. She grunted, smacking his foot off her back as she got to her knees before carefully standing.

As if getting to her feet were some kind of signal, the water surged around them and the board turned itself, pointing them towards shore. A roaring built in Seras' ears and she squeaked as warm hands grasped her shoulders, pushing her forward until she straddled the edge of the board, toes curling to keep her balance as the Jackal rose in the air for what felt like forever. She looked down to see white froth and she realized that they were riding a monstrous wave. Card leaned in to whisper in her ear, and she shivered, "Just like you, Police Babe, the ocean has luscious curves. We've caught one, and I'm not letting her go til we get to shore." The wind picked up and threatened to push her off balance, but she laughed and spread her arms, enjoying the moment.

There was a shift in the water around them, and Seras felt the board shiver slightly at the disturbance, and she braced herself for a crash landing as a familiar voice called out across the water. "Did you really think you could escape our conversation so easily?"

Everything seemed to happen at once, then, as Card's hands left her shoulders and she fell backwards and the angry dolphin leaped out of the wave, barreling right into the pale man and plunging them both into the water. Seras shrieked as the wave crashed downwards and she scrabbled for a hold on the board as she plunged towards the roiling ocean felt cold as ice as she sunk like a stone, the Jackal shooting out of her grasp and popping out onto the surface, and she screamed in a hail of bubbles as she thrashed. Her limbs felt heavy and useless and she couldn't tread water properly the way she was taught as a child. She watched with growing despair as the shining surface grew further and further away.

_Oh god, I'm going to drown. I'm goingt o drown and sink to the bottom of the ocean!_

Just as she was about to give up hope, a shadow flashed in front of her eyes and she flinched, only to jerk back in surprise as she felt something cool and hard under her, lifting her upwards. Squinting through the stinging salt in her eyes, she realized in some shock that she was riding the back of a giant turtle. And it was rescuing her! Smiling, she patted the shell encouragingly, and when they broke the surface, she gasped and coughed up the water in her lungs.

"Miss Victoria, are you quite alright?" The turtle turned it's head to peer at her with kind violet eyes and she stared blankly for a moment. It sounded like Walter. Walturtle clucked his tongue, muttering something about shock as he swam towards the abandoned board, being careful to keep the half drowned blonde's head above water. It was only when she clambered from the broad shell-back to the Jackal's slick surface that she realized she was being terribly rude and she crouched on the board to stare at the enormous sea turtle. "Thank you," she murmured, blue eyes shining with gratitude. He smiled – she assumed – and tipped his head, a white ring around his eye reminding her of the monocle the butler wore. "It's quite alright, Miss Victoria. But you must wake up."

"Wake up..?" Seras looked around her, bewildered. "But, aren't I awake already?"

Walturtle gave her a knowing look, as Card, riding the back of a thrashing blonde dolphin, leaped from the waves and whooped before vanishing. Seras laughed nervously, and nodded. "I suppose you're right. But how do I wake up?"

The kindly turtle smiled at her and she heard a roaring in her ears as a killer wave grew from the once calm ocean. "Why, ride the wave to shore, of course, Miss Vicotira."

"Of course…" Seras gulped, staring up at the monster barreling down on her. There was no way she could stay on the board! Walturtle reached a flipper out and patted the back of her hand kindly before vanishing and she whimpered as she braced herself on the board, fingers clenched around the sides as she rose, higher and higher in the water. She was amazed that the white cap didn't crash down her and drag her back to the depths, but the Jackal refused to dip, and she carefully turned so that she was facing the shore, perched on her knees with the wind in her hair.

"Cowabunga, dude."

The wave crashed to the shore, and she woke with a startled shriek, half expecting to taste sand in her mouth.

"That's the last time I try Master's wine before bed."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Beach Combing**_

_**Ketti: I'd like to thank all of you for reviewing, you guys really make my day. *heart*  
**_The consensus is in; Ketti will update willy nilly as the muse allows! So, expect to see a lot of sroties pop up out of the woodwork over the next month or so. I don't want to post them all at once, got to keep my pacing to see if I can have a semi regular update schedule, be it crackfic, oneshot, or story. So enjoy more of SurferCard while I ponder which ones to post/update next. :D

_(*_*) ^(*_*)^ (*_*)_

Seras felt warm. Cracking open one eye lazily, she observed the sun shining down on her, and hummed as she lay back further into the comfortable embrace of sand beneath her towel. She'd dug herself a small divot and moved the displaced sand behind herself like a backrest. The waves lulled her back towards the edge of dreams, but the voices surrounding her kept her from drifting away completely.

Two voices in particular caught her attention, their accents familiar, yet foreign all at the same time.

"Ah, this "tubing" certainly is relaxing. You were right, doctor, we should have taken this vacation** ages** ago. I certainly feel more relaxed, if you can't tell."

"Yes, Mein major. I can certainly tell. But are you **sure** you don't want to wear a shirt? That much skin being burnt at one time certainly won't help you."

"Ah, doctor, you worry too much! Vacation time is not sunburn time. It's tubing time. And hula time. And rum with little bitty umbrellas time."

Seras' brows rose as she followed the conversation, and she rolled over to perch her elbows on the warm sand, observing the two german men, one round and jovial as he reclined in his innertube on the beach, sipping a drink with a tiny umbrella while the taller skinny one fretted and rubbed sunscreen on himself every minute. Seras bit her lip to smother her laughter as she watched them, and a young blonde child ran up excitedly, "Major, major!" He cried, "I vant to try something! Vill you let me use your tube to try parasailing?" He held up a bundle of cloth tied to a stick, beaming hopefully, and the portly major chuckled. "Ah, my boy… Nein, you may not have my tube, but I will go with you instead!" The child, with cat ears, she observed, cheered and pulled the man to his feet – his bum was stuck in the tube, and she snickered as he waddled down to the water like a turtle on two legs. Once there, he sat back down and the boy – Schrodiner, she knew, though she forgot where she leaned the name – clambered up behind him, kicking his feet to push them into deeper water before holding up his makeshift sail, and Seras blinked before laughing outright; it was made of bras sewn clumsily together, but it caught the breeze and pulled the odd pair out into the water while the tall man tutted and fretted and retreated to a white tent with a red symbol on the door that looked suspiciously like a swastika.

How odd. Nazis, on a vacation to a beach. She wondered idly where the others were, having the vague sense that there were a good number of them around, but as the saying went; out of sight, out of mind.

"Eavesdropping, Police Babe?" A familiar voice spoke as a shadow fell across her, blocking the warmth from her back. She mumbled something into her crossed arms, and he snorted, dropping down to sit beside her, "What was that?" He purred, "couldn't hear you, brah."

"I _said_," Seras grumbled, "that it's not my fault if they talk so loud."

He chuckled and reached a hand out to ruffle her hair affectionately. "You coming in the water? You'll totally fry out on the sand like this, Piolice Babe. Or should I start calling you Lobster Babe?" He laughed and she rolled her eyes, grumbling that it wasn't funny. Card, like her Master, had a very strange sense of humor that she attributed to his age.

"I suppose," Seras sighed, "but it's warm out here, the water's probably really cold."

"Chill, brah, chill, you're totally bumming my groove. You can stay out here and bake like a bodacious lobster if you want. I'm going to catch some mondo waves."

And with that, he got to his feet and she watched him from the corner of her eye as he planted the Cassul in the sand behind her while he ran at the water with his Jackal, launching himself and the board into mid air with some bizarre acrobatics that somehow had him landing on the board feet first in the water and shooting off into the sparkling ocean.

She sighed and closed her eyes, just lounging in the warmth of the sun and letting her sleepy mind wander.

There was a scuffle, laughter, and quite suddenly she felt sand kicked across her back and she was just about to complain to be more considerate, when a large weight crushed her to the sand and she squawked in alarm. "Gettoff!"

Flailing, she managed to shove the person off, and stared accusingly at the grinning redhead, his long braid looped around his neck like a scarf, a frisbee in his hands. "My apologies, mignonette. The boys and I were playing, and I didn't see you in your adorable little sun hole."

Seras glared at him, arms crossing over her chest, glad that she had managed to trade in the skimpy bikini for a more reasonable one piece. He ramped up the charm even more when he saw the way her breasts pressed against her arms, French accent thickening to a persuasive growl. "Would you like to play with us, ma cher? We could use a beauty like yourself in the game." His brows arched, and Seras half expected them to start wagging suggestively.

"No, thank you," she said as she forcefully pushed him away. The redhead smirked, rocking with her hands but otherwise not budging.

One of his mates, a chubbier man with blonde hair that looked as though it had never seen a comb, walked over to them.

"Aw, don't listen to him. Seriously, come and play with us," he said in a friendlier tone. "Our teams are lopsided right now." Seras was about to politely decline when he tripped over the ankle of the redhead, falling across her with his face mere inches from her bustline. He turned bright red and began to sputter, flailing as he tried to stand on the shifting sands. The other men watched for a moment before they smiled darkly, eyes glinting with mischief.

Seras felt unease roll down her spine and she looked towards the water where she saw Card catching a wave, their eyes locked – though he wore his sunglasses – and she mouthed the word 'help' at him desperately as she pushed at the blond man and tried to get to her feet.

Had she been looking a moment longer she would have seen the dark expression cross Card's face, a look that would have reminded her of her Master as he scowled and the wave surged upwards. The men looked up in alarm at the roar of the ocean and they jumped back a bit as the wave crashed down about halfway between themselves and the previous border of the sea. Seras breathed a sigh of relief.

"What's going on here, dudes? Are you having a _party_?" It was said in a cheerful enough tone, but Seras knew him better. She could hear the anger bubbling beneath his words.

One of the men, obviously having _no idea_ who Card was, laughed and nodded, "We're playing a party game, called Cleavage Chasing." His words slurred the slightest bit, and Seras was sure he must be drunk, despite it being early afternoon.

"Excuse me, are you ostriches? If you want your heads to be buried in something than I'll be more than happy to stick them in the sand for you." Seras knew he must be seriously pissed if he wasn't even using his surfer slang.

The men looked up, startled at his words, and some of them backed up a few steps, but one of the stupider ones, perhaps the same one that had mentioned their 'party game' spoke up, "Hey, man, what's your problem? We're just having some fun."

Card's amber sunglasses gleamed in the sunlight as he reached down and pulled Seras to her feet. "You see this beach bunny? She's my Police Babe, and I don't like to share. Any other questions before you eat sand?"

"Retreat," the braided man called as he jumped to his feet, much to the complaints of the others. "Aw, captain! C'mon, we can take him." "Yeah! It's twenty against one!" The captain of the group gestured to the roiling ocean, "You saw that wave! I said retreat, let's go see if those german babes will play with us."

Card sneered at them as he held his Police Babe to his side, looking thoroughly unimpressed. "Cowards. Wanna-be men, totally bumming my groove. That's not cool."

Seras squirmed a bit as his hold tightened, threatening to crush her ribs, and he looked down at her with a mix of possessiveness and some other emotion she couldn't quite place, though it seemed protective. "Are you alright, Police Babe?"

She shrugged, then nodded, pulling at his arm a bit to loosen it, "Yeah. Thanks."

Rather than release her, however, he hoisted her up onto his shoulder and she squealed, kicking at his chest as he turned back to the waves, kicking the Jackal into the water and hopping onto the trusty board.

Seras fidgeted, and tapped his shoulder, "Can you put me down now?"

He shrugged her down his front and she flushed in embarrassment as her breasts slid down his chest, taking a quick step back and crossing her arms over her boobs. Looking anywhere but at Card, she was the first to spot the angry looking fat man in his innertube as he approached them from the side.

"Listen here **dude**, you spilled my drink!" The portly man scowled and waved his empty cup, the little umbrella missing while the little boy perched behind him whined piteously. "Major I'm all weeeetttt!"

Card arched a brow, looking unimpressed, "Dude, chill, the ocean is mondo cool."

The major went red in the face, and Seras noticed the words 'SS Lingerie' scrawled in marker across his tube, as he pointed threateningly at the unrepentant surfer. "Do you kno who I am?!"

Card yawned, and the Jackal started to turn, "Do I care, man?"

The nazi major spluttered and thrashed, feet splashing water at them, "That is it! I declare a water war! Schrodinger." The little blond boy stopped his wailing and perked up instantly, "Yes, mien major!" Seras watched, amused, as he pulled a watergun out of … well, she didn't know where, and brandished it at them.

Card smirked nastily at them as he snapped his fingers and the ocean surged around them, an enormous wave appearing out of nowhere. "Oops, did I just accidentally a war?"

Water pistol vs tsunami. Fight!

The cat boy's ears drooped and he wailed as he started kicking frantically at the water to escape, "I surrender!" Too late, the wall of water crashed down on them, and Seras felt a little bad for them, even if they were Nazis. Water splashed her face, and she jumped to attention, looking around her sheepishly at the smirking Geese. "Day dreaming?" Pip teased, "and here I thought you _loved_ showing off, I mean teaching us how to shoot, Mignonette."

The blonde Police Girl grumbled, wiping her face dry with her sleeve as she grabbed Pip's pistol and fired point blank between the enemy target's legs. "Satisfied, Captain?"

The men paled, and she laughed at them, serves them right for interrupting her thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Beach Combing**_

_**Ketti:**_What, you thought I was going to update a **story** story? Ahahahahaha... It's against my religion, The First Commandment of the Church of Ketti states that thou shalt not finish stories within the first year of posting them. ;(

_(*_*) ^(*_*)^ (*_*)_

"Will pretty Little Sister build a sand castle with Sister Kette?" A female voice broke her thoughts and Seras jerked awake, nearly head butting the silver haired female who crouched over her, and as Seras flailed she realized she'd fallen asleep sunbathing. Again.

"Hu-bwuh-er…" shaking her head to clear her muzzy thoughts, she propped herself up on her arms and peered around at the beach to find a handful of people scattered around her, the nazi's white tent was still there though the swastika was missing. Glancing at the elder vampire – who currently looked about thirteen or so – Seras grinned weakly, "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Kette squealed and clapped her hands excitedly before pulling Seras to her feet and dragging her over to the edge of the shore before plopping her down and kneeling down herself to start digging 'the moat'. Seras blinked a few times, then realized the girl was wearing some sort of old fashioned swimming dress – in white – that looked like a pair of poofy pyjamas, she snickered a bit as she sat up to help.

"So," Seras hummed as she scooped handfuls of sand together to start working on the walls, "where's Tsuri?" Her eldest sister's white doll was no where to be seen, and even the wolf carving was suspiciously absent.

Kette cackled, "Naughty girl! Getting dirty. She's with Auntie Kitty in the tent to stay clean."

Seras nodded and started patting the sand down in a thick mound before adding more handfuls, raising her first wall slowly. "So, Issak and Katya are here, then." It wasn't really a question, and as she peered over her shoulder, she saw her other Sister emerging in her own old fashioned maroon swim dress. Katya gave her a small finger wave, her usual fan missing, and she made her way gingerly over to the waves, standing just ankle deep a good twenty feet away.

Seras looked up, and caught sight of Card riding the waves, and he waved before turning his board like a snowboarder and spraying water at Katya teasingly before heading back out into deeper water. Seras was about to look away when she saw the water spray turn into a churning wave and it loomed over their heads, threatening to destroy their just started sand castle. "Crap."

Kette jumped to her feet and shrieked at the wave and it split around them, dumping two figures at their feet.

"Is that… is that a mermaid?" Seras boggled, the silver haired lady with the blue fish tail was wriggling around on the sand to get her balance with what looked like some enormous albino catfish at her side, but Seras realized it was a small boy in a costume suit.

The girl looked up and Seras jumped back in alarm at the face; it was Kette! Except… Seras blinked as she noticed two black triangles protruding from her hair, and as flickers of red went through them she realized they were shadow ears. Shadow… cat ears? "What?"

Kette tittered and toed her look-a-like mermaid, "Kette didn't know she knew how to swim!"

The mermaid cackled as she rolled up onto what would be her knees and flicked her tail a bit before glancing at her floundering pet catfish boy. "That's because I can't. George! Stop flopping about like a landed carp!"

Seras really hoped the double Kettes weren't going to be a permanent thing…

George obediently stopped flailing and voiced a muffled whine, mouth occupied by the scuba gear weighing him down.

"George, be a good kitty and be quiet." MermaidKette scolded before she started to dig a hole, shadows leaking around her arms to scoop large armfuls of the wet sand out and to the side. When she was satisfied, she threw poor Goerge into it and the boy's mask came loose to reveal… Schrodinger?

"I think my head's going to explode."

"Why?" MermaidKette inquired as a wave crawled up to fill the hole with water, "Do you know multiverse theory?"

"What?" Seras stared at her, "What does that even…"

"Oh, good, I don't need to explain it then!" And with that, the look-a-like unzipped her tail and shook herself like a dog – er, cat – and plopped down next to Seras while the original – whose hair was much grayer with the strands of washed out black when compared to the new one – Kette just shrugged and continued digging her moat.

"I'm Nekette, by the way, and that's George. So, a sandcastle? Neat."

"…Yeah, hi." Just keep building the wall, Seras, don't question it or it might stick.

After a minute of steady sand-patting to get the protective wall up to standard, Nekette leaned forward to peer up at Seras' face, "Pretty little fledgling," she hummed, "Where is the Beach King?"

Well that was a new one on her, but Seras could only figure she meant Card, and she gestured out into the waves, "Over there, surfing."

"Oh," Nekette pouted, "cats don't like water. Maybe the pretty King will come to shore?" The way she said it made Seras wonder if Nekette thought she could summon Card herself. Seras glanced out to sea and watched as the aforementioned man did a handstand on his board. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"Oh, but pretty little Princess could!" Nekette gave her a shark grin and leaned forward, invading her personal space even worse than Kette usually did. "Er…" Seras glanced to her Sister for help, but Kette was oblivious as she finished building the moat.

"Go on," Nekette crooned, the sound somehow threatening. "Call the pretty King. He doesn't like to share, does he? Such a jealous, greedy King." Nekette nuzzled her cheek to Seras' and the only thing going through the blonde's mind just then was; _bad touch, bad touch!_

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"

Seras closed her eyes at the rather lewd rubbing and suddenly a cool hand on her neck was shoving her sideways. She looked up in surprise to see Card pushing her aside, his other hand wrapped around the pretend mermaid's slim neck, fingers pressing warningly into her throat as he lifted her up and set her on the sand with him in between her and Seras.

"No touching."

Kete, who had watched the whole thing with a huge grin on her face, chose that moment to tackle Seras from behind and the blonde yelped as she was pressed face first into the damp sand, the sticky grains clinging to her lips and nose. "Can I touch her?"

He looked at her and did a double take between the child he just finished prying off Seras, and the one currently forcing her to inhale sand. His eyes grew wider than dinner plates and he shook his head, wet hair flinging droplets on the sand.

"KATYA! ISSAK!" He roared, and both twins in the water turned to look at him, then the two identical girls on either side. Both girls flashed the same slightly maniacal grin without thinking, and the waterborn russians both paled. They turned and splashed their way out of the water, racing each other up the beach to their tent.

Issak reached the tent first, being the one not burdened by waterlogged skirts, and ducked inside, zipping the tent and leaving his sister to fend for herself. She cursed, looking around before heading out into the water once more, her skirts billowing around her waist.

"I cannot hear you!" she called out over the surf. "I'm very busy with not drowning!"

"I can help!" Both girls chimed happily, and Seras grunted as Kette bounced off her back, Nekette in hot pursuit as they dove into the waves after Katya. Seras rather pitied the brunette.

Card just stood there, watching, as the silverettes tackled Katya, each one grabbing an arm and trying to pull her physically to shore … which didn't exactly work all that well given that neither of the three could swim.

"…Aren't you going to help them?" Seras finally asked, wiping the grit off her lips with a grimace – it didn't really work given that her arms were sandy as well – and peering up through her bangs at the King of the Beach.

"Aren't you, Police Babe?" He countered, a manic edge to his smirk as he looked down his long nose at her.

She fidgeted, "Er, uh…"

"Hey!" she called to the closed tent. "Shouldn't you help them?"

No answer.

"Fine!" She snarled and got to her feet, kicking angrily at the sand as she stormed down the beach to the roiling waves and the three drowning vampires within. Taking a deep breath, the Police Babe forced her way through the small but powerful wavelets until the water reached her waist and she was having a harder time keeping herself upright. The salt spray stung her eyes and she squinted against the glare of the sunlight on the water as she searched for her sisters. A particularly strong wave crashed against her and suddenly the three bodies were there and they were clinging to her, pulling her off balance and downward into the rough seas. "Leggo!" Seras yelped as her head broke the surface, "I can't save us if I can't sw-_urgle gurgle._"

Now there were four ladies in the water, and while Seras _did_ know how to swim, it was quite impossible with the other three weighing her down, the two silver females clinging to her arms while Katya attached herself to Seras' abdomen in a miserable ball of sodden skirts.

Card just stared at them for a long moment before he sighed, "Bummer, brah, total bummer."

With a motion of his hand the waves picked up and yanked the four struggling babes into the arc, rushing towards shore in a roar. It crashed down on the sand and Seras went head first into the moat, the force of the wave burying her.

Seras flailed and realized she had fallen out of the tree she had been dozing in, landing face first in the mulchy undergrowth. Sputtering and spitting out the rotten leaves, she looked around to find herself surrounded by Geeese, all of whom were laughing at her for her clumsiness. Glaring, she spit a bit of dirt out and hustled back to the manor, vowing to never zone out during training again. Her pride couldn't take much more of this!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Beach Combing**_

_**Ketti:**_ *shifty eyes* What? It's before my midnight. It still counts.

_(*_*) ^(*_*)^ (*_*)_

When Seras heard the _shh shh, shh_ of the rolling waves, she knew she was back at the beach, and for a moment she felt anxiety claw at her throat. Would the two Nekettes be here again? One was more than enough!

Cracking an eye open, she scanned the moonlit sands, and was relieved to find no sign of her insane elder sister. Don't get her wrong, she didn't dislike the girl, but Kette could get overwhelming in single doses, let alone double.

She heard something, a muffled _thud thud thud_ and the _ssskch!_ Of sand being thrown about, and she looked back just in time to see two massive dogs coming right at her. The lead one, a pretty obsidian color with gold eyes, tripped over her beach towel and went flying into Seras' lap. "Oomph!" The silver-white one barked and jumped into the dog pile, green eyes glowing with mischief as a long tongue snaked out to slobber over Seras' face. "Ew, ew, ew! Not the face!"

Squirming under the heavy bodies, she realized they weren't just big _dogs_ they were _wolves_, and the green eyed one was being particularly malicious with where she stuck her tongue. Seras squealed in disgust as her ear got slathered in wolf drool. The moonlight glinted on something, and she realized the wolves had nametags on their collars. Grabbing the black one she dodged the flying tongue and managed to make out the word _**Eltanin**_, and ducked under Tani's paws to throw her gently into the white one. Taking her chance, she dove on top of the pile and laughed as she managed to keep out of reach of more drool. Seeing her chance, she squirmed in and snatched the nametag up, the other one was named Esque. Something about the names nagged her as familiar, but she shrugged it off, and yipped when Tani tackled her back to the sands.

"No fair, two on one!"

The canine duo just barked in amusement and began to circle her, making it impossible for Seras to watch both of them at once.

There was a tremor through the sands and the shadows at their feet elongated in a menacing wave of darkness until the entire circumference of the circle was outlined, expanding even further to fill the disc, and Seras found herself standing in the center of the shadow. Red eyes opened, one after another until she lost count, and quite suddenly the darkness coalesced into a single spot as Baskerville crawled up out of the sands to stand in his full intimidating glory. He howled, and the eyes along his body closed until just the two remained, and he bared his teeth in a doggy grin as he stood at Seras' side, tail wagging excitedly.

"Hullo Baskie," Seras crooned, rustling the hellhound's ears affectionately, "Coming to play with us, boy?"

He barked, and suddenly there were two of him, and they snarled playfully as they charged the two female wolves, who turned tail and ran in opposite directions, howling their own challenge that even Seras could translate to; _catch me if you can!_

As she watched the "puppies" frolicking happily, two cold, strong hands gripped her shoulders before long arms looped around her neck, fingers dangling precariously close to her cleavage. A chin landed on her head, sticking into her skull as the surfer leaned into her form.

"Warms your heart, doesn't it, Police Babe? If your heart still had any warmth, that is," he chuckled. She scowled, but let him stay wrapped around her as they watched the animals slipping and sliding in the sand.

"Surf with me, Police Babe," he purred, bringing her closer to his chest so that she could practically _taste_ him on her tongue, he smelled of blood and seawater, and something else that she mused might be the wax he used on his boards.

She squirmed a little, then shrugged, "Sure, why not?" It's not like she had any choice, really, once he got his hands on her. He chuckled breathily into her ear and she shivered as he hauled her up and walked her across the sand to the waiting Jackal. "I can walk!" She protested, and she could feel his smirk as he rested his face against the side of her neck.

"Nah, Police Babe, it's more fun this way."

She grumbled, but stopped squirming as he set her on the board and kicked off the shore, his power over the waves drawing them out past the shallows into the deeper waters. He draped himself over her again and she nearly toppled over, but he kept them from falling in the drunk.

"Feel the groove, Police Babe. The ocean is mondo cool, she's always moving. If you can tune into her beat, Police Babe, you can ride any wave like a master." _Like me_ he meant, and she nearly snorted, but held herself in check as he pressed down on her. Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on the motion of the ocean, feeling the board sway under her feet as the tide shifted. Even before she heard it, she _felt_ it, the way the waters pulled them deeper into the sea's embrace, she knew that a wave was coming. Without realizing it, her powers had flared out gently, the shadows lapping the water as they turned the Jackal just as a wave was born. They balanced there on the brink of wiping out, and Seras laughed as she stretched out her arms and leaned back into the solid weight of Card, trusting him to keep them both upright.

The wave wobbled and they bounced unsteadily, but Card leaned further into her and they slid down the breaking surface, and as he pulled her along with him, they turned the Jackal to ride the inside curve of the diminishing wave until they shot out into calm waters and she whooped in excitement.

"Totally tubular, Police Babe." Card purred as he tugged her back to his chest and without warning they were falling, landing on their backs on the large surfboard and staring up at the full moon floating above their heads.

"Righteous," Seras giggled in agreement, reaching up to push a damp strand of hair from her face.

Something wicked sparked in her mind and she grinned impishly as she tipped her head back to peer at him upsidedown, "I think I did better than you could."

"Yes, babe, but what if you have a wipeout?!"

He smirked nastily and pushed her off the Jackal and she shrieked as she rolled into the sea. Salt water invaded her mouth and she flailed before getting her bearings and grabbing the edge of the board to pull herself up, sputtering and spitting out the salty flavor on her tongue. "Hey!"

"What's that?"

He jerked her up and she spit water out.

"You're insane!" She was shoved back under

"Sorry, can't hear ya over the sound of your drowning, Police Babe!"

A slew of bubbles erupted from her mouth as she screamed and thrashed, hands grasping his wrist and digging painfully into the skin as she fought to get back to the surface.

She heard his teasing laughter in her head and she latched onto the mental connection like a life line, _**'This isn't funny! I need air to breathe!'**_

His voice oozed into the depths of her mind like seaweed ensnaring her in a trap, "On the contrary, Police Babe, this is hilarious. You're a vampire, you don't need to breathe, brah."

She flailed, and her fingers slipped, the nail cutting into Card's skin, and suddenly the smell of his blood surrounded her, even diluted as it was. She shivered, pupils dilating. _**'I need air to talk!'**_ She tried again, trying to keep the whine out of her mental voice.

He laughed and reached intot he water with his other hand to push her deeper as he pulled his injured wrist out of the water, presumably licking the cut to seal it, and she could feel the smug amusement rolling off him in waves. "Yeah, about that… Ya see, Police Babe, ya talk too much as it is."

She felt herself sinking deeper into the water and she screamed bloody murder as she scratched and flailed, _**'Not funny!'**_

She froze as she felt something cold and slimy wrapping around her foot, a shudder wracking her body. _**'Something's got my foot!'**_

"Nice try, Police Babe. It's just seaweed. Ocean's full of it."

She kicked her foot, trying to loosen whatever-it-was' grip, and shrieked as it wound tighter and slithered up her ankle, _**'It is not! It's **__**moving**__**!'**_

Before he or she could say another word, the whatever-it-was tugged on her, and she sunk another foot. She would have screamed if she had any air left in her lungs, but they were already flooded with salt water, and she knew it would be a pain to get them dry again later. If there was a later! _**'Ogod, ogod, it's pulling me under!'**_

She felt the hand in her hair tighten its grip and she looked up, though the salt burned her eyes, to see Card laying flat on the Jackal, a grim expression on his face, and while the surface rippled, she was almost positive he mouthed the words 'not cool, brah' before pulling her upward and she broke the surface with a gasp. There was a thick black tentacle wrapped around her leg and sshe shrieked in disgust, the sound a bit bubbly from the water she'd inhaled.

"I don't share my babes, dude." Card muttered as he grabbed the slimy thing and tore it off Seras' ankle, and it retreated swiftly back into the depths like a scolded puppy.

Seras coughed, trying to spit up some of the ocean in her lungs. "I jhate you sometimes. You know that, right?"

He chuckled and patted her head condescendingly, "I love you too, Police Babe."

She woke with a start, and felt something damp on her cheek. Grimacing, she reached up to wipe it away, and curled her lip in disgust. She'd drooled in her sleep, and her pillow was damp too. "Oh, gross!"

Flipping the pillow over, she moaned and buried her face in the cloth, trying to will herself back to sleep. It was still another hour at least before the sun set and she hadn't been sleeping too well the past few days. She blamed the damn dreams.


End file.
